i have my first intern job today. it's auditions, and i'm a little nervous but excited at the same time. i'm feeling a little stupid about it though just because the kids in hudson suck. every time someone asks me what school i'm going to i say "actually i'm interning at sos next year" and they look at me with an expression eminating severe pity and say "oh, that's... really cool..." it feels like i'm wasting my life when i talk to them but i know that i'm not and that it's something really good for me and for all of the kids that we touch with the show.
so that's how i'm feeling right now, but you never know, it could get better right? i guess that i just need encouragement right now. i feel really small and insignificant and i'm wondering if i made a mistake by choosing to intern for a year instead of going straight to school.
GOD PLEASE HELP ME TO BE GRACEFUL TONIGHT AND TO BE EXCITED FOR ALL OF THE NEW POTENTIAL ACTORS. GRANT ME PEACEFULNESS AND UNDERSTANDING. CAST OUT ALL OF MY DOUBTFUL THOUGHTS SO THAT I CAN BE HELPFUL AND KIND TO ALL OF THE PEOPLE I SEE TONIGHT, TOMORROW NIGHT, AND ON SATURDAY.
by the way, if anyone knows anyone that's going to be in 9th-12th grade next year who lives within an hour of hudson and who wants to be a part of a theater company, have them come by the fourth street playhouse at four today or tomorrow and they can try out for sos. the tryouts are really fun and so is being in the group. i highly suggest that they at least come and see what it's all about :)
verse to repeat over and over today:
Psalm 119: 143-144 (NLT)
"As pressure and stress bear down on me, i find joy in your commands. Your laws are always right; help me to understand them so i may live."
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
term paper
my term paper got 390 out of 500 and i lost a lot of points because i didn't cite things correctly:
instead of
"quote" (citation).
i wrote
"quote (citation)."
and i lost a lot of points because i used "too much borrowed info! not enough of your own opinion." but i thought that because it was a term paper i had to have a lot of facts and that thought was reinforced by my teacher requiring 50 pages of highlighted sources and 50 quote cards, all of which had to be in my paper. i didn't even use all 100 required citations and my 10-page paper was 11 pages long. if i had put in all of my "own opininon" i wouldn't have had room for all of the citations and my paper would have been a gazillion (great band, look them up ♥) pages long.
bah.
instead of
"quote" (citation).
i wrote
"quote (citation)."
and i lost a lot of points because i used "too much borrowed info! not enough of your own opinion." but i thought that because it was a term paper i had to have a lot of facts and that thought was reinforced by my teacher requiring 50 pages of highlighted sources and 50 quote cards, all of which had to be in my paper. i didn't even use all 100 required citations and my 10-page paper was 11 pages long. if i had put in all of my "own opininon" i wouldn't have had room for all of the citations and my paper would have been a gazillion (great band, look them up ♥) pages long.
bah.
Monday, May 14, 2007
beauty
i googled the word "beauty" today and these were the first three images that i saw.
sex and suduction has become beauty. i am sad for my generation's daughters.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
makes me homesick for humanity
i am in a government class right now and every friday we have round table debates on political issues such as homosexual mairrage, illegal immigration, censorship, etc. I am a pretty moderate person. in fact i'm almost completely on the line between liberal and conservative.
a couple of weeks ago we had a discussion on the death penalty and i got really mad because there were people in my class that were saying stupid stuff like "we should just shoot them all..."
i don't care (i mean obviously i care but... just keep reading) if a person rapes my mother, kills my father and brother, and beats me until i am barely alive, they do not deserve to die. yeah i know that anyone can bring up the "eye for an eye" thing but i don't think that we as imperfect humans can draw a line to say who is bad enough to be killed by the almighty government. people are so bent on revenge in this world that they fail to see, through their rage, that the person that they are about to kill is someone's brother, sister, son, daughter, husband or wife. even if they are evil they are a life and no person is perfect enough to determine who deserves to live and who deserves to die.
so after i ranted on and on about that to the stupid "shoot them all" girl, someone asked me, "can you be against abortion and for the death penalty, or visa versa?"
hey, here's some worms and a can opener...
i said that i don't think that anyone can be for one and against the other even though both sides of the happy little political fence pick and choose on those issues. i don't understand how someone can fight for one person's life and totally disregard another. if you fight for an unborn child's life, would you deny that same child life if they did something wrong? if you deny an unborn child's life then how can you fight for someone else's life if the only difference between the two is that one has been alive longer?
and on and on it goes...
a couple of weeks ago we had a discussion on the death penalty and i got really mad because there were people in my class that were saying stupid stuff like "we should just shoot them all..."
i don't care (i mean obviously i care but... just keep reading) if a person rapes my mother, kills my father and brother, and beats me until i am barely alive, they do not deserve to die. yeah i know that anyone can bring up the "eye for an eye" thing but i don't think that we as imperfect humans can draw a line to say who is bad enough to be killed by the almighty government. people are so bent on revenge in this world that they fail to see, through their rage, that the person that they are about to kill is someone's brother, sister, son, daughter, husband or wife. even if they are evil they are a life and no person is perfect enough to determine who deserves to live and who deserves to die.
so after i ranted on and on about that to the stupid "shoot them all" girl, someone asked me, "can you be against abortion and for the death penalty, or visa versa?"
hey, here's some worms and a can opener...
i said that i don't think that anyone can be for one and against the other even though both sides of the happy little political fence pick and choose on those issues. i don't understand how someone can fight for one person's life and totally disregard another. if you fight for an unborn child's life, would you deny that same child life if they did something wrong? if you deny an unborn child's life then how can you fight for someone else's life if the only difference between the two is that one has been alive longer?
and on and on it goes...
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
mistakes
today one of my friends said that she never believes anyone who says that they don't regret anything in their life. i told her that i don't regret anything i've ever done. she asked me how that was possible, and here's what i said...
i believe that everything happens because it is supposed to happen, even if something seems like a gross misjudgement at the time it will effect everything that happens after that. i believe that i am where i am today because of what i have done in my life. one little thing that i 'regret' could be a big part of where i am in my life and if i changed it yeah, i might be somewhere with my life that i would like more but i could also be somewhere worse. everything i have said, everything i have done, every 'mistake' that i have lived through is a part of what makes me, me. i like myself, i like who i am and what i have done and what i will do because it is me.
besides, everything that happens is God's will. how do i know that? because it happened.
i believe that everything happens because it is supposed to happen, even if something seems like a gross misjudgement at the time it will effect everything that happens after that. i believe that i am where i am today because of what i have done in my life. one little thing that i 'regret' could be a big part of where i am in my life and if i changed it yeah, i might be somewhere with my life that i would like more but i could also be somewhere worse. everything i have said, everything i have done, every 'mistake' that i have lived through is a part of what makes me, me. i like myself, i like who i am and what i have done and what i will do because it is me.
besides, everything that happens is God's will. how do i know that? because it happened.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
in the beginning...
laaaadies and gentlemen, yes it is true, hannah (the trail forger) jane has joined the illustrious blogworld within wich all of you lovely people reside. i must say it's cozy here. i've decided that because i read all of your blogs and i occasionally post on one or two, why not join you.
i only hope that i will not become one of the 'blogger zombies' *coughmymothercough* who wake up at the most inconvinient hour of the morning to write about their previous day and wait on the computer for someone else who for some reason has decided "hey, five in the a.m. sounds dece to me!" to comment on their (obscenely) early morning post.
i hope to not bore you with all of my much needed satirical venting and rambling.
most sincerely yours
-hannah jane
i only hope that i will not become one of the 'blogger zombies' *coughmymothercough* who wake up at the most inconvinient hour of the morning to write about their previous day and wait on the computer for someone else who for some reason has decided "hey, five in the a.m. sounds dece to me!" to comment on their (obscenely) early morning post.
i hope to not bore you with all of my much needed satirical venting and rambling.
most sincerely yours
-hannah jane
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